Directed by the man behind 2005’s House of Wax remake, remember that? Paris Hilton was in it, and written by other people, The Commuter stars Liam Neeson as Michael MacCauley, an ex-policeman turned insurance salesman and family man who takes the same train back and forth from work every day. After being fired from his job just five years away from retirement he’s left financially fucked and on his commute home a mysterious woman approaches him with a strange proposition which is as follows, find Prynne, an unknown passenger carrying something valuable in a bag and place a tracking device on them before the train reaches its final destination in exchange for $100,000, and just to make sure this is definitely a Liam Neeson movie, if he doesn’t they’ll kill his family.
As soon as the film started I knew it was going to be bad, the opening sequence itself was awful, it’s a spliced together montage of Liam Neeson waking up day after day and his morning rituals with his family and it’s terribly edited, every shot fades in and out between the opening credits and the whole sequence was just utterly pointless. We get it, he has a family, let’s just get to the fucking train already! There’s also another awkwardly shot scene that pops to mind, after being fired Liam Neeson meets a friend at the local pub, Paddy O’Brien’s or something ridiculous like that, and the scene with them talking at the bar is shot with shaky cam for some reason!? It’s like they thought they were shooting a fight scene.
If you were wondering whether The Commuter had a masterfully weaved narrative and complex characters well then I’m here to tell you that it actually didn’t, it had Liam Neeson and Sam Neil’s in a couple of scenes as people doing things. Everything in this film has been done a thousand times over, there’s nothing original about it at all, it’s just completely forced and predictable. It’s not even a commendable attempt, it’s poorly put together and there’s nothing to be invested in, Liam Neeson I suppose, he’s okay, he’s Liam Neeson whatever that’s worth to you. The writing is atrocious, this is like primary school material and there’s no excuse for it, this film does not constitute art, I just watched Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri and Phantom Thread for fuck sake, how can I call this art!?
There’s one or two fight scenes that looked, upon first viewing at least and there won’t be a second, like they may have been done in one shot and if that is the case then fair enough, well done, it won’t save your terrible movie but fair enough, if it’s not in one shot though, and I can’t even be bothered to look it up, then I have nothing positive to say, I laughed a couple of times I suppose, not enough to constitute time well spent but it happened. I hate films like this, I imagine a jock behind the camera of films like these and I have absolutely no respect for them but I suppose idiots need something to watch as well, it’s not for me, I get nothing from it, if anything I feel like I’m actually losing something.
Would I recommend The Commuter? Definitely! There’s a train in it, it’s not quite Snowpiercer but there’s a train in it, and Liam Neeson is in it, it’s not quite Schindler’s List but Liam Neeson’s definitely in it though. It’s like Snakes On A Plane but on train instead of a plane and no snakes and no Samuel. L Jackson, it’s also not as funny or self-aware, I haven’t seen Snakes On A Plane, please let me know if that statement’s true. I’m gonna give The Commuter 3.4/10 and advise you to take the bus next time! The reason I wrote that was because one of the character’s says it at the end of the film, was it funny? You decide. Until next time Steemians!
What’s your favourite film about a train?